Why can’t you control UPS!?

CLIENT:

Thanks for building me a stellar podcast website – question, can you create business cards? If so, can you make them cheaper than VISTA PRINT, and can you have them delivered by the 15th?? And sorry to be annoying, I know I call you after work hours and text you on your days off, but we are almost there, just really really need some business cards.

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ME:
Thank you for the nice words, it was truly a labor of love. I can definitely provide you with some high-end business cards on a nice stock, however I cannot match the pricing of Vista Print. Also if you would like them by the 15th, you need to approve pricing and design no later than the 10th, to compensate for the 48 hour turnaround from the printer and 2-3 day turnaround from UPS. Please keep in mind, once you approve everything, once its in the printer’s hands there are no changes, and once UPS delivers, I cannot guarantee delivery, I can only give you the estimate that the delivery service provides me – 9 times out of 10, they are on the mark, but given the weather conditions, nothing is guaranteed.

PROJECT APPROVED, DEADLINES NOT MET AND CLIENT GOES CRAZY!

Thank god for this website, because I really needed a place to vent… I love my job as a graphic designer, and I have been at this for 15+ years! Once in a blue, that random pesky client comes into one’s life, and tries to truly test your patience. I’m not a psychologist, but it’s clear this client suffers from OCD, with a mix of manic depression. There were so many highs and lows in this 3 month project, and ultimately it’s my fault for allowing this low budget client into my life. From low-balling me on the project price, to constantly requesting items and not fulfilling his part, to midnight phone calls and text messages, and a total lack of respect when it comes to boundaries. In the end, this project was seeing its end, I the recipient of all things a nightmare client can impose on you. However, the finish line was clear and present and all I needed to do, was simply produce some nice business cards, way better than Vista Print, and make sure this obsessive client received his cards on the 15th.

BUT… This wonderful client (sarcasm, lot of sarcasm here) approved the project after the deadline. SO, the client was warned and we proceeded, but by some miracle by my wonderful printers, they literally finished everything in a 1 day turnaround – way ahead than expected, and UPS was set to deliver by the 14th or the 15th the latest.

Fast forward, and happy days are here! UPS was on route to deliver the cards on the 15th as promised and requested. Then this wonderful text message gets sent to me…

HEY!!! I needed my cards early in the morning, this is unacceptable! I am tired of you and your excuses, this is so unprofessional!!! After I receive my cards you are terminated, I never want to work with you again!

Sooo… That text message was sent to me at 10:39am, and UPS delivered the cards at 11:11am  -_-  … Yeah… Soooooo….. I was fired (THANK THE HEAVENS) because this wonderful example of the human species wanted ME, to stop everything I was doing, and somehow hunt down the UPS truck, kick out the driver, and race like a bat out of hell and crash into his front door kool-aid man style, and hand deliver his business cards directly into his hands. I just dont understand, this logic — how can I control UPS and their delivery time? More importantly, this F*CKER received his cards on the 15th as promised, after he did not meet any of my deadlines and warnings I provided him with — met delivery time, built a podcast website with background audio play, and subscription / newsletter features, all under budget, but then I get fired because this lunatic did not receive the cards exactly at the time he wanted them.

… DAMN MONDAYS!